It's 2:14am. When I wake up in the morning I'm going to feel even more like shit because I won't let myself get out of this hole that I'm in. I'm newly single. The reason for that is connected (not entirely, because I'm also a lier when it comes to my gambling) to my issue with gambling. I hate the way I feel and I hate what it has done to my life.
Gamblers Anonymous is just like AA, it has to do with spiritual beliefs and the fact that nobody has control over their actions. Well I do.
This blog is my chance to have something better to contribute to others (myself included) and to feel better about my chances of not gambling tomorrow.
I WANT TO QUIT GAMBLING COMPLETELY!
I'm smart enough to know that I can't just gamble a little bit. It really is all or nothing. I don't believe that it's a sickness or a disease though. I just think that I can't control myself when it comes to this.
I have a lot to not gamble for. A house, a dog, a family that I don't want to lie to anymore. I'm so tired of feeling hopeless and stressed out everyday because of this.
I know what it feels like to not gamble. I quit for 3 months. Didn't drop a dime. It felt so great to pay all of my bills on time and to have money to do fun things that didn't involve sitting in a bar and losing my hard earned money at an incredible rate.
Whenever I feel like gambling I'm going to look at this and read the things I've written and I'm going to write more. I'll write about what bills I've caught up on. How good it feels to have money in my pocket. How I don't wake up feeling like it's another hopeless day. How I don't think my life is going to stay the same, boring and predictable.
If you read this, please share any stories you have or any support you can give. If you need support, please let me know. Sometimes it helps to help others.
It's now 2:28am. I hope that I feel the same way tomorrow.
Thanks
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